...Pieces of Me...

2:07am: wow its been a long time..
I seem to be attracting the past these days...
I guess in the advent of fb and the internet there are so many ways to connect and re-connect. sometimes good sometimes bad and sometimes all together unreal.
blasts from my past, who were were, who we thought we were. and than the infamous im so glad im not like that anymore!!!
in the end it makes me so thankful that I found Richard that hes so supportive and loving and forgiving of my silly ways.
I guess these encounters just re-in-force the choices that have been made, for and with me. Im thankful that for a time people that didn't need to love and care for me did and we learned something and than turned the page or the novel in some cases. but that book those chapters stay with you and Im so very happy that I made it through.
Ive been married now 3 years and i think if i had not learned about who I was and what it is that I wanted. I needed to make a lot of mistakes ( and some were really doozies). but now I find that these people are married or getting there and have families, and I cant help but be happy for them, for their joy, for that path whatever it is they took.
most of all, I feel reassured in myself that there has been some growth, things you can measure, things i feel that have changed.
Im immensely grateful for being able to grow and change, cus I don't think i would like 13 year old me. or even 21 year old me. A big part of that is having a parter that makes you want to be the best, even when your drowning within your own mess.
Im lucky, hes my rock and I throw myself agents him...lots

Im going to have more time these days...I think i'll start writing again....
Ive forgotten how it is to write down ones thoughts and get them out of my head. Im going to try this as a kind of meditation for myself. self reflection:-) Am I growing?! haha we will see this is still a process...inch by painful inch.

7:42pm: humm
So I was just thinking, its nice to write here cus I don't think anyone reads. I can be free to say what i feel.
But do I really know? Soooo who's reading me?
I would like to know!
thanks
Nassim

12:23am: feeling much better!
Well it’s been a month since my stint in the hospital. Bowl obstructions= no fun! it was a crazy time...And I still don't feel 100% and I feel like I’m making it up cus I cant actually be that tired, like sleep in the afternoon than 3 hours later go to bed?! Yeah I can! I know my husband misses me. Shoot I miss him; I miss being normal and not taking antibiotics that make me want to throw up 4 times a day. Mostly I want my energy back, to have motivation to do stuff. I feel like I’m 27 going on 80! But today for the first time in weeks I felt like doing something, and work didn't make me so tired that I would fall into bed.
I’m looking forward to the farmers market and laundry tomorrow! Mostly spending much needed time with my sweet patient husband who has been dealing without me for too long.
Seriously: I got lucky with him, slept at my bedside for 9 days, transporting my mom around and coordinating with her to make sure I was with someone at all times, speaking to every doctor, nurse and aide to make sure I was getting the best care. For being patient with me as my body and my sprit recovers from this unexpected time of stress and worry. He called my nursing director to make sure that it was okay for me to miss my first day of nursing school orientation (normally I would have to wait until nest term to be able to if I missed) and when that didn't work he talked to the doc's and had them call to excuse my absence. For loving me at a time when life seems so hard and the plates are full. When there is no more room for stretching and all you’re left with is the truth of how much, how strong, how intense your love for each other is. *sigh* thank you Bahaullah for my Richard

ta for now! yeah I love him a little ;)

2:26pm: feeling like something is coming...
Seems strange but this week feels like the calm before the storm. With work, weddings, people visiting I took complete advantage and did nothing this morning. Yeah its 3pm!
Its funny the people and things that would have thrown me off these days just kind of make me giggle. Like the potential of running into people at weddings or knowing an ex and his family is in the country and within driving distance. Not really wanting to deal with the BS because, why would I like to reconnect anyway? Sometimes things just need to be left alone. Mainly me!
Within the next week(s) our apartment is going to be full of love and soo full of crazy! I am really excited. Looking forward to the next semester of school and knowing that life with calm down a bit when I have a schedule that’s consistent. I like consistent. It makes me happy. So that’s it I think and I cant wait until Erin and Andrews blowout wedding!! It’s going to be FANTASTIC!

12:44am: hiya friends,
school is done and I am not used to it being so quiet in my life. But I feel like I have to take in every moment of seeing my husband before school once again takes over my life.
I was at a talk tonight by Mr. Michell former UHJ member...it was so great to hear him speak again. He said something that I had forgotten you can be serving humanity by going to school and or working. Just by having the vison of what you will do with it is service. It does not have to be an actualy act, but the mideset behind any act. This is something to think about as I got back to school next week. poo.
In the next week we are re-vamping our apartment,some paint, maybe some shelves, and we now have storage woo hoo! so I think that will give us something to do for like 3 days! yaaay! AND AND we are going camping as soon as it desides to stay warm for more than 12 hours!
so yeah thats it for now...
ME

12:46am: limbo
Dear state of limbo,
I hate thee.
and Im glad you have gone away for a while.
see ya later?
nassim

In other news:
Very bord, even considerd a retail job...hehe untill I rememberd how much I hate selling things!!!
that my friends is how utterly bord I am...
"SIGH"
and this too shall pass and before i know it its going to be crazy yet again, so not really that botherd with the nothingness...and kinda taking it all it...one nap at a time...

husband taking MCAT next friday = STESS!!!
Add his lack of sleep + Nervous energy + too much thinking time = Hes going to drive me crazy...Friday will never come!!!
please pray for him, hes really going to do great but its he not knowing what will happen that kills him.
oh who am I kidding, if I could study like him and get the grades he does I would have been done like 5 years ago. I envy is test taking ablility and just the knowlage base he has. Hes going to be the most amazing doctor!!! I keep thiking, this is just a step, and eventually we will all get to our goals...slowly but surly. but first hes going to kick that test ass!

last but not leastly, my grandma whent back to Iran...I know I will see her again but just knowing shes not at my mom's house is hard. she brings so much joy, and support and love to our house. It really makes me miss my mom and family more. I miss my bro, and my lovely sisters that are doing great things and living amazing lives. I think about them everyday at least 3 times....

oh found a simple pleaser: watching cartoons, and childrens programing it the middle of the day, much less depressing and with no drama...sure beats the Soaps ;)

ttfn,
nass

11:23pm: oh what to do?!
So much up in the air at the moment. we are trying to see if we can go do some service together before school and life force us into order.
this means we may be travailing for 2 months, or going to green acher, or getting jobs and saving money. I think richard is not ready for life to really start again after his time off and MCAT test but Im not sure how I feel about it myself. I enjoy the life of a student and am very happy for it. Im also kind of done doing unstructured things. don't know when it happend but slowly it becomes harder to leave life and be nomadic for 6 weeks. Have I just gotten too old to up and leave? maybe if I had any idea what I was going to do, live, eat, and poo the next 3 months I would feel more easy. but unsettled is all im left with.
Maybe some prayers will help us though this time of unreast and stress.
Oh I forgott to mention school ends on the 7th and untill then I have 4 exams, 3 papers and 2 projects to turn in! Im just a little overwhelmed...but the silver lining is...even if I fail all my classes(i wont) I have 2 years to re-take them, so it kinda takes the edge off.
im gonna go cuddle with my wonderful, understanding hubby.
much love,
nass

12:42am: Its been a long time...
Hello blog land! Its been a long time! I needed some time to really feel like I could be positive on this space again. I have thought alot about what I would right about here, and honestly It was not the person I wanted to be. So I thought I would take that time I needed and deal with some things that really don't need to be shared with more than 2 friends and cups of coffee.
But Im back and Ive got the best news ever....

I GOT INTO NURSING SCHOOL!!!! Yaaaay me!
to some that may seem like a small thing but to me its big, it means I know what im doing for at least 2 years, and job security that dose not involve the service industry!!! ROck!!

I now have a stay at home Richard and I love it! He left his job to study for his MCAT in may! so he gets to be the house-husband for 2 months! we are both really happy and he prob. will not be able to take time off for years after he gets into medical school so Im taking it all in!

Isn't it funny when you get those emails that you hoped and prayed for for years, like an old friend's you got into stupid fights with and you realize that as much as you care about them they are from a different life when you did friendships differently? Im shocked, but I should know better than to get my hopes up. They were kind and I was kind back, lets hope the kindness continues...

Lastly,I have a very happy good life and im feeling strong. The fast did good things for my faith in faith and renewed my trust that good people are out there.
akh! Its later than I thought i gotta go to bed I have yet another Anatomy & Physiology exam! Fun:P!

12:36pm: Hehe..so a friends of mine that I saw at Persian Conference sent me this...
after 3 days of running after 26 6-8year-olds, I feel lik # one is truly how I feel...
the others just amuse me...

This should brighten ones day!

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you
have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish,and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20.00 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like, 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark
side,and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

SO i hope you all enjoyed the sarcasum...somedays you just cant help but be!

6:19pm: Lighting crashes
So I found this CD today that took me back to a time...I think I was 17 or 18...It made me think of friends and places that I haven’t been to in years and people that I just somehow stopped being friends with. About lost loves and how they Crushed my 18year old inexperienced heart. It’s so different now. I think I thought that I would be in love with them forever and that my "best friends" would remain so forever. I remember the conversations, tears, angry letters, tears, giggling with your girl friends, sleepovers every weekend (when you still did that), when workshop was mentioned several times a day. the feeling of grasping on to things that defined you where you learned about yourself. Or shall I say saw for the first time what you know you didn't want to be! Of course you learned these things by making VERY bad choices. It was a time of turmoil in my life a time that I loved hard and fought back! The music just made me happy…and it still does…
…It was… Live, Throwing Copper…

I know times have changed all of us but I will love you for the memories for they shaped who I am and will always be near and dear to my heart!

well Im going to stop flash-backing...and have some dinner with my hubby in the now!

4:09pm: Dear friends,
sorry about the long silence just working and focusing on studieing for my nursing entrace exam! On the 18th but untill then...my nose is stuck in the books!
As for my family...most of you know im from Minnesota...everyone is fine..although it was freast night no one had left yet. My Uncle was on 35w at 5:30 close call but we are all safe!
Also Cookie gilmer passed yesterday...it was so shocking I always remeberd her so happy and so supportive. I hope that I can be half as loving to the people in my life.
Not much else in my life...for those of you that have been on Pilgramage its beyond words and has been very hard for me to express the change that happend and why but it was wonderful to be back!
hope to see your shining faces soon
Much love and many prayers.

Nassim

9:59am: ohmygosh!
supper dupper freeken excited!
get to go home!
get to see my peeps!
get to be in my favorite place! with my favorite person!
and ohhh the food! and some huggs from some very wonderful friends!
eep im so excited i cant handel it!!!!
yaaaay!
oh so if anyone would like prayers, just tell me what it is and I would more than love to add them to our prayer list!
we love you all!
so send me your prayer requests. e-mail or call...we leave friday night!
I'll try to e-mail and update on Pilgramage but Im not sure!

1:25am: am I? (a reflection of return to the BWC)
so im sitting here trying to rap my head around actauly going back to Haifa.
Now this is a happy making thing. truly Im just excited beyond words.
but there is the naging feeling this fear. ok not so much fear because you don't fear good things. but anxtiousnous. I have to admit im a different person than when I left haifa. I feel more complex and in not the good way. I guess Im afrade of what I will and will not feel. How to see time pass. To see people that i havent seen sence I left or people that have gone back and started new chapters of there lives. Maybe what they think of me. In the past I would say one time serving there was enough but maybe sometime if God sees it fit we will go back together. I dont know. Im such a jumble of emotion. and the jumble causes sleeplessness and fits of tears for no reason. I get to go back where I became me. and the thing thats the hardest to explain but is the strongest felt that being there for me is a big fat reflection on life. how to be better, how to be happier, how to give things to God and say and mean take them away from my heart. Making prayer lists and prayer requests last min. packing and changes in footware. I was just thinking am i really doing this. am I? really?
the questions keep coming,why now, why this year? how will I feel? who will I find in my heart again? who will I cry for? and how oh how did I get soo freeken lucky? I think I don't know how to feel cus this isn't service. I remember as a staff member being told that the Pilgrims are the Guests of Bahaullah and should not be distracted by the staff members! Thats crazy and wonderful and compleatly overwelming. just sittling here it makes my heart pound my plams sweat and my heart race. I don't know, wow this is an intece feeling and I hope that I am able to abosorb all the goodness and just hold onto it. I guess I have a fear that I'll still have all this that I feel inside of me after and what if being there dosent fix the broken heart? Im sure this is just hormenes talking, because I know logicly God will never test you beyond your capacity and I can do this. But is that helpless submition to the His will that is hard. I know that Ive learned so much and I hope that all my deeds good or bad are accepted and understood at His threshold. every time I have been there is has been life ultering and compleatly fullfiling in the way that I needed it to be at the time.
Its been an interesting month or so where I have been talking to anyone and everyone about my upcoming trip and I work with people and I have these regular custemers who are very interested in seeing pictures of our trip. Just people I serve food to once a week for 45 min and the power of this trip has prompted a friendship that has serpassed the "server" "servie" realationship as they put it and are more than excited to build a true friendship. Hopefully we can shair the faith with and become good friends with. That exchange of information with phone numbers and e-mail addresses made my week. Sometimes Gods will is soooo for beyond our sight, maybe this is the reason I work here?
now that I have adiquatly poured out my heart...I think im going to go to bed
thanks for listening sorry if it was a bit out there...just stuff on my mind
T- one week and 2 days bu-yakasha!~
PS I sware my life has been VERY BORING sence school ended and I have nothing to do,other than work (but your really don't want to hear about work trust) so hence the limited topic.

3:36pm: ohhh
so ive been out of school a total of two days and im bored out of my mind!!!And consequetly miss all of my friends. Wishing more than ever to see my family and to take a walk with one and or all of my girls and there kids.Libby, nadi, amber, Rin, Bushra...I miss you! And let me tell you afternoon TV sucks, when you would rather watch a childrens program than some trashy soap! well im going to go outisde and anjoy the sun before it goes away!
much love,
nass
yaaay for summer arriving!

3:36pm: ohhh
so ive been out of school a total of two days and im bored out of my mind!!!And consequetly miss all of my friends. Wishing more than ever to see my family and to take a walk with one and or all of my girls and there kids. And let me tell you afternoon TV sucks, when you would rather watch a childrens program than some trashy soap! well im going to go outisde and anjoy the sun!
much love,
nass
yaaay for summer arriving!

1:52pm: June 9th...
JUNE 9th...what a date...My wedding day and the day I get to go back to haifa! What a blessing...it feels as if life somehow is revolving around our pilgrmage. and once again I am thrust onto my pink cloud that is my feeling for haifa. I think this is more simbolic for me because I get to shair this all with by heart, my lovely husband richard. I finnaly get to shair this with him. Oh I cannot wait. But also I am excited to just be in the peace that is the shrines. to walk the paths and reconect with something beyond myself. byond the person I think I am and what god truly knows me as. Even as I write i am so overcome with emotion that its hard to truly express. I think this trip is going to be really healing for me. To help me forgive things about myself that people seem to not be able to forgive and so I feel hold agenst me. I have never felt more juged and missunderstood by more people in my life than I have in the last 12-24 months. So Im exited to be reborne in a cense and come back into myself. not being afarid tocome to events and to be who I am. Im also exited for richard to see me in my element. I feel like as hard as it is to be there...I truly cant lie to myself or others and find that I am happiest and happer than ive ever been anywere at any time...but thats not suprising when your with your beloved. My thoughts and prayers are truly with all of my dear friends.
much love to all..
nassim
wow its almost been a year sence ive been married...what a wonderful year!!! and an even more wonderful way to celibrate it!

3:12pm: I love spring. The fast was wonderful and I found a reconection to prayer and people that I love. I feel like Im opening up just like the little buds on the trees. Like god is giving me the strength to open up my heart finaly. That and i have been blessed with loving giving understanding people in my life.
we whent to MN last weekend and picked up some WONDSERFUL funeture from my parents. A much needed couch...a much needed slightly used bed(OMG I love a KING SIZe mattress after a year of sleeping on a full!!!) not to mention a lot of love and huggs from my mom and dad and spent some time with my bro that I don't get to see often. Hes getting so old and hes actualy starting to have a real life. wow. Im 26...when did that happen. had a moment of depression for the first time in my life feeling a step closer to 30 as if thats bad or something?! odd how its just a number but its a who new year open and avalable for new things! Other then feeling like we just moved into a new apartment and getting together the house schools been number one...and work of corese is a delight(0r not). well guys not much new just had some time thought I would catch up. Wating for richards parents to come into town than next weekend aaron b. ic going to be in town the week after that than two weeks later chad! Friends loved ones...I love that people stay with us its awsome and that people know that they always have a place to stay!
happy time..
much love
nassim

3:28am: Im I sleepy yet?
Due to the fact that I must have had too much coffee too late in the evening I have decided to blog.
At yes 330am!!
After much tossing and turning and for fear of waking my dear husband up I have been reading for the last 3 hours! Which I’m ok with, I have found a new series (new to me that is) that I love! “Outlander” by Diana Gabaldon. Although it is 900 pages in length and I am only 200 pages in I must say I have not been able to put it down. I’m so excited cus there are 7 books. Yes 7 books and I cannot wait to read them all. I enjoy books that take me away from possible reality but at the same time are witty and well written. Not to mention a good love story that doest necessarily keep you reading but just keeps you guessing as to what happens next. Needless to say Very happy making. Thank you Libby and thank you Robin!!!

Well I’m still awake so lets do a list of happy making things of late:
1) School is starting on Tuesday, for yaaay! I’ve been off for a month and have been driving myself and my hubby crazy! I need some mental distraction or I get very board very quickly.

2) went home and saw the family. That was nice. Helped my bro move out of the house on to his live at a new school and a new city. I’m so proud of him he’s doing so well and he seems happy. It was nice to be part of that I haven’t really had the chance to be part of much since I moved to Chicago but it’s nice to be there when I can.

3) So while I was home I embarked on finding jeans that fit and during the same horrid task I decided to also try to find a bra that fit too. As some of you know both of these things SUCK to find and buy within a budget. Well it was my day man I found both! I know what a feat to have overcome I seriously did little dances of joy in the fitting rooms. You men i didn't think get it I have spent many an unsuccessful shopping trip leaving the mall feeling defeated and low self esteem that nothing ever fits the way I want them to! So when something is found you buy it and pray to god that they don't discontinue the style when you need it next. So that was a wonderful day!

4) also while in MN I saw my lovely friends...whom I realize now that I have been away from for a 2ish years now I love and miss even more than I did before. and Ive realized that as much as I love and cherish people in Chicago its not the same as having people that know you and trust you and forgive you, there every day. To have had the experiences of growing up with and growing into yourself with sometime overshadows the present even if its a strong connection. I long for that in Chicago, I feel like I got married and suddenly everyone thought I was too busy or just assumed I would not want to come. right now I want to make friends with people that have real lives. Its hard to make time for friends when you feel like you have none. thats not a sad thing its just true.

5) What else... lets see...Haifa....yeah its been in my dreams and brings me to the brink of tears whenever I think if it. I can’t believe im going home. With the person that is home.

6) Aaron B. Man he’s gonna be in town next week! Woot wOOT! TALK ABOUT HAPPY MAKING! We worked together so he kind became my work spouse. ya know, the person you spend your time the most with in your work environment. we got really close when and before I got married so Im really excited to catch up and spend some time with him.

7) Im doing my second Bridal shower ever this weekend and im a little nervous cus I don't know all the people very well and well all the games are all nasty and mostly inappropriate so what to do?!??! search the web. And let me tell you be careful what ya open up for that man...its a little scary at times...inappropriate but funny. Im sure I’ll muster something up. Toilets paper anyone?

8) Richard...he’s my rock. Sometimes it’s odd to think of my life without him. We are so different and at times its hard cus we work opposite schedules. He’s a morning person; me obviously a night owl! That’s the test at the moment...but I must say that these are such wonderful blessings! Marriage is not easy but it is certainly meant to help you grow. I thank God for him every day and feel so blessed to have such a patient forgiving person in my life. I LOVE YOU!!!!

9) Learning to let go of things in the past. And forgiving yourself for the parts you played in those events. All we can do is move on. One step at a time...


And with that my friends my eyes are getting tired.
but my heart it happy.

Be Happy! g'night!

1:27pm: Done and Done!!!
Well I did it. I finished my first semester back at school. I did well! And I’m sooo happy to be able to be done for a wile. That means we get to do stuff and see people. That’s all to exciting for me cus I feel like I’ve been pretty much a shut in since I started school. SO I’m excited to be able to go home and see me family and go to a wedding at the beginning of the year. But then we are going to Broadway to see Richards best friend in Les Misérables!!! Oh yeah he’s the understudy for Jean Valjean!! And he’s pretty flipping amazing! But more so I’ve only been to NY when I was 11 for the Baha'i World Congress and this time Richard, Aaron and I are gonna go hit Broadway hit the museums hopefully Central park!! Very exciting! Besides all the exciting news I’m just happy to be able to stop for a minute. I’ve been working and crocheting a lot it’s very nice to be able to just sit and know all I have to do is be at work at 5pm.

On anther note...I CANT WAIT TO GO TO HAIFA!!! I think when you start saving for a trip and your planning and when to spend what money for when. It becomes very real very quickly and it just thrills me that I can share that time with my best friend. I would love to see the people that I know again, not to mention be back in the shrines. TO sit in the silence that is the majestic shrines. I miss it so much. We will be leaving the day of our one year wedding anniversary and I love that we are going to be able to celebrate in that way!

This is pretty much all I’ve been thinking about and getting excited about!
ttyl.

1:32pm: hello hello
Hi guys I know it has been a long while that I have not written. Some of that was a contious dicision some of it was not. Due to some unforseen endings of friendships (yup thats more than 1) I have quite frakly been reluctent to bear anything to enyone let alone online. I'm garded in friendship and have had truble not being so compleatly honest that its sometimes rash and harsh. I don't know why today seems like the day to do it but it is. Ya know I've had alot of people tell me to let go of the past. In a lot of ways I relive things that have been done to me and things that were said mostly I remember there eyes as they told me the kind of person I was. the person they thought me to be and how they had the right to tell me so. Just by simple actions. Ya know people will break your heart walk away and not even blink or take a second look. I just want to say...to the world...I remember. And just cus I havent said anything or havent told you how I feel. don't mean I don't hear about ya'll or that your actions don't still effect my heart. And then I remember that I'm ment to turn the other cheak and forgive. Letting go of the hurt has proven to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Cus I'll forgive you but it still hurts. Thats why I've been MIA. For this fear and this fear alone. I'm tired of feeling this way and somone once told me that we don't think of letting go of a ball in our hand we just do it! Im trying to find those muscles in my heart. these are the things that hurt. even after you've forgiven them...thy cant find it in there constiousnus to understand that it may have hurt me.

Now don't get me wrong Im done with that...I just needed to say it and be there. Out into the universe. And now on to things that matter.

Im truly happy. I don't think ive ever felt more aware of who I am and what I'm doing. Did I mention I adore my husband. He just makes me smile and makes my heart so soo soo very happy. UNfortuantly we are so busy that much of our time is spent apart. I study in the day and work in the evenings mostly and he works 9-5 and then studys in the PM. Its kinda ruff at times, but it gives us or at least me a sence that I have my life outside of our realtionship. howere limited it is my best times are with my hubby. unfortuanly between school, work and eachother we have little time for much else. We would like to get more involved in Baha'i stuff but Its hard when your a MARRIED STUDENT, cus let me tell ya next to haveing kids its like we died. I sware for it felt like I got married to never see anyone ever again. and it kind of felt like the community just assumed we were busy. I tell ya it was so nice to get a call inviting us somewere....anyway...Its all good we had a lot going on and still do but we are hoping to get more involoved.
well...Off to write a paper that I have been putting off for a week!
Hope all is well and that if I havent seen you I'll see you soon!

OH yah sorry about the rant in the begining...Its a closure thing.
Thanks for listening!

12:38pm: well hello!
Hello dear friends!
Thank you sooo sooo sooo much for all your kind and loving words!!!!
we are very happy and things are going well, being married has been/is very wonderful and we are very happy. We are busy but happy.
Thank you to all those who came to the wedding, thank you to all those who wanted to be there and were there in spirit. Really the day was soooooooo wonderful beyond words wonderful!!! There were no problems, and lucky for me I had 3 lovely friends pushing me along and de-stressing me every min. Not to mention taking care of the little things that I had either forgotten about or just plane didn't have time to think about. So to Nadi, Libby, and Amber; I love you.
Thank you to all the people that traveled 10+ hours one way to be there for our day, and fly in from all corners of the country! ahhh god, really I'm sooo amazed at the love and support.
Aaron, Adel, Anisa, you rock my face...and you know why...

As for my family, well the things that were done and the way in witch they were done, with such grace and dignity. I am so lucky to be my parent's daughter and now to have 2 more lovely parents that love and support us to the point were we are in awe and touched to the very core of our hearts. I cant tell you how very Honored we both are to have such love around us.

Thank you alll!!!!!


Oh!!! so picks are coming...we are going to get them this week and I promise as soon as I get them they will be posted!

2:57pm: I am officialy Mrs. Brown!!!
yaaaay for being married!!!!!

5:04pm: very soon...
very soon I will be married.
very soon this will no longer be an all wedding all the time lj.
very soon I will be able to get back into some semblance of a schedual...thats not full of insanity.
very soon I can breath and just be with the people who love me.
very soon I can sleep.
very soon my life as I know it will be different but all the more lovely cus I have him in my life.
very soon I can breath!!!
very soon
very soon

side note:
if anything you know after planing a wedding who is there in name and who is there in action and will do anything for you becouse of their love for you. let me just state I am shocked and so very very touched at all the offers to help the do things with or for me/us. and the other part well the truth is shown in ways sometimes you did not expect, but I'm still glad I know the truth.

3:18am: tests and luck
so much to do so little time. I feel like time is slipping away and when it comes down to it I just have to do the little bit I can each day. For me, for my love, for the wedding.(argggh, planning a wedding is not easy!Wosah, talk about stress )
ya gotta Do some practical things each day,as well as do some not so practical emotional prepwork too. Work out my head from all the things that hurt and let hurt me more than they ever should. Its a crazy time of transition, little really seems certin. Or at least I'm just waiting for the next obstical to hit. But really realizing that its not good to feel that way, and the test are always gonna be there...but they are good, even if they sting. I'm very lucky that I have people in my life that are ok with just taking the time to show me whats wrong at times and not be afraid to tell me so. I value that so much. what can I say I'm gonna marry my best friend and I don't know how I ever got so damn lucky.

3:57am: weekend with loved ones
well, its true. Had my Bridle shower in Minnesota last weekend. Unfortunately a good friend of mines Grandmother passed away 2 days before I was to go back. So of course in times such as those, you pick up find a way to get there and go. It was the first time in my life I hesitated going home. The first time the thought of being there just hurt. I can’t handle it when people I love hurt. But it was wonderful to be part of those days when I know the little things really mattered, and you can at least try to be there. Most importantly I was able to share in celebrating the life of a devoted mother, grandmother and servant of Baha.

My best friends put on a bridle shower in my surrogate Grandmothers home...I grew up there...so it was wonderful to see all the people that raised me celebrating this new part of my life. The wisdom and honestly stuck me to my core…and it really hit me…I was the one everyone was there for..haha I’m getting married haha, I enjoyed every minuet.

Then on Sunday I spent some time with the girls. Wow, how I missed them, and how great it was to feel truly truly loved and supported and just able to be. With people that knew me, people that didn't have to be told how I needed to be loved. I LOVE MY GIRLS!!!! Some I didn't get to spend as much time with uhemmm Nadi...but Libbs and Amber made my week and are still making my week as I write this. The overwhelming sense that these people know who I am and what I am...and yet still love me even more thought all the changes. Good and bad times. They remain...this is true friendship. But I also realized something else...those take time and sometimes you have to be ready to let it go. Let everything go and just realize people got to do what they got to do. They don't intend to hurt you. And I have to tell you, It’s like I'm a new person. And the wait has just been lifted off my shoulders. Life is always going to be hard, why spend it hurt or sad or mad or anything else other than positive cus it’s going to all end the same; Forgiveness, love, letting go.

Yaaaaaayy for getting married in 29 days….woooohoooo!!!